The Medical student syndrome

Lecture during endocrine block:

Clinical features of thyrotoxicosis:
1. Nervousness - "Check."
2. Irritability - "Check."
3. Sweating - "Check."
4. Heat intolerance - "Check."

At this point of time I am 95% convinced I'm suffering from Grave's disease and is about to fall over on the floor and die.

5. Palpitations - "Hmm.. not really but you never know, didn't everyone tell you that medicine is not black and white?"

6. Weight loss - "Ok. Now I definitely DON'T have Graves." I have not lost weight since I was 17.

*Relieved that I'm not suffering from an autoimmune disease.

The lecture then proceeds to Hypothyroidism

Symptoms:
1. Dry skin - "Check."
2. Cold intolerance - "Check"
3. Weight gain - "Check and at the same time think OMGOMGOMG"
4. weakness, fatigue - "Definitely check."

Now. I am convinced I am suffering from hypothyroidism. And I will need a lifelong treatment of Thyroxine. My life flashes before my eyes and I call my mum to tell her I love her.

Then I will go to bed thinking I'll be in a coffin 50 years before I thought I would be until I wake up again and then realise I'm just being a typical newbie med student when there is a point of time that you're so totally convinced you're suffering from every disease under the sun when you're learning it... other behavioral changes also include:

Discretely observe people on the streets trying to see if they're suffering from any chronic conditions:

me: "HA! that person has oedema!"
fellow student: "She's just fat. Around the ankles."
me: *Hangs head in shame* "Oh.."

Subtly holding my bf's hand/foot and palpate his pulse with my awkwardly positioned finger.

*Twists arms to try manoeuvre finger around the radial artery*
bf: "What are you doing?"
me: *looks around inconspicuously* "Nothing! Isnt that a big tree?"

Subconsciously (or maybe consciously) slip in questions enquiring about everyone's medical history.

Random friend: "Hey! How's it going?"
me: "Good! Good! .....So are you sexually active?"
me: "How many partners do you have? What is the nature of intercourse you're engaged in?"

At this point of time random friend backs away slowly while I dig through my bag trying to find my Oxford handbook of physical examinations (The black and purple one. They're so good).

AND! Finally it's all about drinking endless cups of coffee and popping countless tablets of no Doz plus studying like there is no tomorrow and still feel like you dont know jack at the end of it all.

Don't you just. love. it.

Therefore to conclude!
Final diagnosis: Medical student syndrome.
Differentials: Impending sense of doom.

Much <3